First Time Here? PokeBattles: The World's Favorite Pokemon Parody

Want to link to us? Click here!

  PokeBattles.com arrow Red: Classic Archives arrow Red Version #091-095 : A New World


Main Menu
Diamond: Official Battles
Pearl: Fan Battles
Platinum: Forums
Sapphire: IRC Chat
Red Version #091-095 : A New World
The days of the Almighty Webmaster have passed. Immortus creates a new Poké Battles world to replace the old one, where new characters arise to question what ever happened to the Old World. These five battles chronicle the early adventures of these new characters, and it reveals a startling link that still ties the Old World to the new…

Battle #91: New Genesis January 3, 2001
Location: Nothingness
Player: Immortus [Record: 2-2-0]
CrimsonKing's Rating: Doesn't Suck


WEBMASTER used CREATE!
WORLD was CREATED!
And such a beautiful world at that.
Very well then. I shall now create life.
WEBMASTER used CREATE!
WORLD became ABUNDANT with LIFE CEREAL!
Excellent. Now, I-- what??
LIFE is covering TWO THIRDS of the WORLD!
Oops…. I suppose I should have started with the minor stuff.
I shall now create… OCEANS!
OCEANS of MILK were CREATED!
Good lord! What kind of world have I created??
IMMORTUS' WORLD! Part of this COMPLETE BREAKFAST!
Shut up! I created you, Narrator!
NARRATOR is just glad not to be made of anything EDIBLE!
That's what YOU think…
NARRATOR is SCARED!
Good. Now, create some humans on that planet.
WEBMASTER used CREATE!
HUMANS were CREATED!
Excellent. Now, I can just sit back and--
HUMANS died OFF due to FREEZING TEMPERATURES!
...oh, I need to add a sun to this world. FINE.
WEBMASTER used CREATE!
SUN was CREATED!
And now, the humans…
WEBMASTER used CREATE!
Not enough PP for CREATE!
...curses.
SEVERAL DAYS used PASS!
SEVERAL DAYS PASSED!
Now, I have enough PP to create humans!
WEBMASTER used CREATE!
HUMANS were CREATED!
THERE. I'm going to go rest...

Location: Garden of Eatin'
Player: Mega-Adam [No Record]

MEGA-ADAM appeared!
Um… who am I and where did I come from?
NARRATOR says that's for IT to know and for YOU to find OUT!
...my name is Mega-Adam?
NARRATOR says that is CORRECT!
...can I change my name?
NARRATOR says you CANNOT!
Great. So here I am in this garden… hey, what's this stuff on the ground?
STUFF ON GROUND was renamed LIFE CEREAL!
What am I supposed to do with it?
YOU are supposed to EAT it!
...why?
BECAUSE it's a PART of this COMPLETE BREAKFAST!
Oh! In that case…
MEGA-ADAM used EAT!
LIFE CEREAL was EATEN!
Heeeyyyy… this stuff isn't half bad!
It's GOOD that you FEEL that WAY!
LIFE CEREAL is ALL that you will EVER BE ALLOWED to EAT!
What about that apple on the tree over there?
NARRATOR warns you not to TOUCH that APPLE!
Why not?
THAT would release all the EVILS of KNOWLEDGE and TECHNOLOGY into the WORLD!
Ah. Say no more, then.
NARRATOR says NO MORE!
ULTRA-EVE appeared!
Ultra-Eve??
ULTRA-EVE says her name SUCKS!
Indeed. Say, how about you and me go see a movie tonight?
ULTRA-EVE wants to know what a MOVIE is!
...oh, yeah. I don't even know what possessed me to say that.
So… wanna sit around eating Life Cereal tonight?
SEVERAL DAYS used PASS!
SEVERAL DAYS PASSED!
So… want to sit around eating Life Cereal, Ultra-Eve?
ULTRA-EVE says she is SICK AND TIRED of doing the SAME MONOTONOUS STUFF every DAY!
ULTRA-EVE wants to eat the APPLE!
No, you can't do that! It will release all the evils of the world!
ULTRA-EVE wants to know what's so bad about EVIL!
Evil is… it's EVIL! Geez, do I have to spell it out to you??
ULTRA-EVE tells you that if you don't go and RETRIEVE THE APPLE, she is going to start SEEING OTHER PEOPLE!
Noooooo!!! …hey, wait a minute… other people?
MEGA-ADAM looks AROUND!
What other people??
ULTRA-EVE says she'll find a WAY!
Fine, fine! I'll defy the Narrator and release evil upon the world for you.
Geez, the things I do…
MEGA-ADAM approaches the TREE!
Now, I'll just take this apple here…
MEGA-ADAM used TAKE!
MEGA-ADAM took the APPLE!
I wonder if this really tastes different than life cereal…?
MEGA-ADAM used BITE!
MEGA-ADAM took a BITE out of APPLE!
EVILS were RELEASED!
Aaaaaah! Not the evils!!
INTERNET appeared!
ANIME appeared!
VIDEO GAMES appeared!
MOVIES appeared!
PIZZA appeared!
BILLIONS OF PEOPLE appeared!
...woah! This world doesn't suck anymore!
...LIFE CEREAL remains!
Well, every planet has its problems I guess.
TREE wants to fight!
Fight? What is that?
FIGHTING is VIOLENCE! IT is one of THE EVILS!
Hey, as far as I've seen, evils aren't so bad.
TREE sent out TREE!
Enemy TREE used FALL!
APPLES fell on MEGA-ADAM's HEAD!
Owwwww…. What is this unpleasant sensation?
SENSATION is PAIN!
IT is also one of THE EVILS!
And what is this OTHER thing I'm feeling now?
YOU are feeling ANGER!
ANGER is ALSO one of the EVILS!
Evil sucks.
ULTRA-EVE says GOODBYE!
Huh? Where are you going?
ULTRA-EVE is going to SEE OTHER PEOPLE!
Noooo…. How could you betray me like that?
ULTRA-EVE advises you to GET OVER IT!
And now I'm feeling something ELSE unpleasant…
YOU are feeling RAGE combined with JEALOUSY combined with DESIRE TO KILL PEOPLE combined with SMALLPOX infection!
Uhhhgggg… this really sucks… I think I'm going to leave this place…
TREE says it's not FINISHED with you YET!
*sob* …


Battle #92: Cult Confusion January 11, 2001
Location: Webmastarian HQ
Player: Warren the Cult Leader [No Record]
CrimsonKing's Rating: Sucks


Lo and behold, my followers! The time of the second coming is upon us!
WARREN is reminded that he has no FOLLOWERS!
I am aware of that! I was merely practicing!
NARRATOR thinks you were just DELUDING YOURSELF into believing you had FOLLOWERS!
I have no need of deluding myself. I have invited several prospects here who will soon become my followers.
NARRATOR will SEE about THAT!
Lo and behold, my prospects are arriving now!
DOORBELL used RING!
Ahh, there's someone--
PHONE RANG!
...is it my imagination or did my doorbell just call me?
IT must be a SIGN from the ALMIGHTY ONE!
*gasp* OF COURSE! PRAISE THEE, O ALMIGHTY WEBMASTER! I shall take this as a sign that we have not been abandoned!
NARRATOR can't believe how GULLIBLE you ARE!
My gullibility has nothing to do with the sign sent to me by the Almighty One.
Lo and behold, it seems this time my guests have arrived!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE appeared!
Welcome, everyone!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE points out that he is only one PERSON!
….your name is Several Dozen People?
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE says you can call him SEVERAL!
I see. I take it you have come for enlightenment. I shall not disappoint you!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE says he only came for the FREE FOOD!
Who told you there would be free food?
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE points at YOU!
Ohh… well, I should make good on my word, eh? You'll find Life Cereal scattered throughout the house. Please feel free to help yourself.
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE is ANGERED!
...but I have something better than food! I have salvation!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE wants to know if that's a rare POKéMON!
No, it's nothing like th-- what in the name of the Almighty One is a Pokey Mon?
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE doesn't KNOW!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE had the VAGUE IMPRESSION that it was something IMPORTANT!
Well, my friend--we just may find out where these vague impressions of ours come from. For I have discovered how to unlock the secrets of the past!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE gasps!
...y'know, all your narration is sound grammatically incorrect.
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE notes that YOUR GRAMMAR is sound BAD, TOO!
Let's focus on the task at hand, shall we?
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE wants to know why there's a TASK in your HAND!
What are you-- AAAAH! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!
Wild TASK used BITE!
YOUR HAND was BITTEN!
Wild TASK ran away!
….times like this I wish I could swear on this god-forsaken G-Rated site.
YOUR HAND begins to BLEED!
Er… PG.
YOUR HAND feels like it might FALL OFF any second now!
Aaaah! Alright, I get the hint.
Now, then Mr. People. Once, long ago, an Almighty Webmaster ruled over the world…
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE is LAUGHING!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE says you are speaking of the OLD TIMES!
Actually, it was only a couple weeks ago...
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE says NOBODY believes those ANCIENT TALES anymore!
But listen! I have found proof! A site on the Internet called Pokebattles.com chronicles the old times and the new! It shows even what we are doing right now!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE says he doesn't BELIEVE you!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE offers to JOIN YOU only if you can DEFEAT HIM in a BATTLE!
Do you ever feel guilty that we are corrupting this nation's youth by demonstrating that violence is the answer to everything?
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE wants to know what your POINT is!
*sigh* … none, I guess. Besides, the Webmastarians certainly don't have anything against battling!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE wants to fight!
I'll send out one of my many followers to battle for me!
NARRATOR clears its THROAT!
...the narrator has a throat?
NARRATOR can do whatever it WANTS!
Um.. Okay.
NARRATOR is trying to SUBTLY POINT OUT that you don't have any FOLLOWERS!
Subtly? And you do this by shouting in all caps?
NARRATOR can be SUBTLE however it WANTS!
No, that is my point. You can't be subtle. Have you ever said anything in a normal tone of voice in your life?
NARRATOR points out that THIS BATTLE is running WAY LONGER than it SHOULD!
Ohh, riiight. The battle. I send out one of my followers!
NARRATOR coughs LOUDLY!
Geez, are you getting sick or something, Narrator?
NARRATOR is about to make you FAINT out of SPITE!
ACK! Fine, I'll send out myself.
WARREN sent out WARREN!
Enemy SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE sent out SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE!
So, a one-on-one match, eh?
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE is now meant in the LITERAL SENSE!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE are SURROUNDING YOU!
...uh oh. Webmaster, save me!
WEBMASTER used SAVE!
WEB PAGE was SAVED to FOLDER!
IMMORTUS: Finally, an excuse to stop writing this infernal battle. I'll write the rest of this confrontation next week.


Battle #93: Spiritual Struggle January 17, 2001
Location: Webmastarian HQ
Player: Warren the Cult Leader [Record: 0-0-0]
CrimsonKing's Rating: Moderately Sucky


SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE are SQUINTING at you!
Stay back! Holy forces are at work here!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE are BACKING AWAY!
Lo and behold! I told you to have faith! Now you all see the light!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE ask you to STOP SHINING that HIGH POWERED FLORESCENT LIGHT in their FACES!
Huh? Oh, this? Sure.
LIGHT was switched OFF!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE vow to ATTACK you SAVAGELY when they regain their EYESIGHT!
In that case…
Me! Use your PUSH attack!
WARREN used PUSH!
ONE of the SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE was PUSHED!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE fell OVER… DOMINO-STYLE!
Well, that was rather easy--
DOMINO'S PIZZA! "Nasty Pizza. Great Prices. Eat Domino's Today!"
You're getting paid how much for this, Narrator?
NARRATOR is being paid EXORBITANT AMOUNTS of MONEY for ADVERTISING!
Well, as long as you only do one--
DEPOSIT your EXORBITANT AMOUNTS of MONEY at WELLS FARGO BANK! Now with FREE CHECKING!
...you could take this too far you kn-- wait, did you say Free Checking!?
NARRATOR says that is CORRECT! WELLS FARGO is KNOWN for its GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE and UNBEATABLE INTEREST RATES!
Wow! I can't wait to get to the Wells Fargo near me-- heeyyy… waitaminute.. You're not gonna drag me into one of those conversations.
AVOID CONVERSATIONS that you don't WANT! GET CALLER ID!
STOP! I AM GOING TO GO ON STRIKE IF YOU DON'T STOP ALL THESE ADS!
Three STRIKES and you're OUT! See the YANKEES play this WEEKEND at NARRATOR STADIUM!
...no way will I ever go anywhere near anyplace called 'Narrator Stadium'.
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE are GROGGILY standing UP!
Hmm? Oh right, I forgot about that whole plotline thing, what with the free checking and all.
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE can't remember ANYTHING!
Really? Not even how to breathe or speak or anything?
Hmm… they'd make the perfect drones for my new cult, then...
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE are confused!
They hurt themselves in their confusion!
Aaaah! Why are they all beating themselves up like that??
BECAUSE they're CONFUSED!
But that doesn't explain… never mind. All they need is enlightenment to lift their confusion. GO FORTH INTO THAT ROOM TO FIND THE ANSWERS YOU SEEK!
NARRATOR says THAT ROOM has nothing IN IT except for a GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY!
Huh? What the-?
NARRATOR also WARNS that the CAPS LOCK KEY will PROBABLY want to FIGHT!
Perhaps I should direct you all to this other room, which you will find is filled with Almighty Webmaster Life-size Plushies…
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE have already LEFT THE ROOM!
Noooo! Come back, you fools!
SOUNDS of BATTLING are heard from WITHIN!
I must rescue them from the GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY! I--
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE is blocking your PATH!
Huh? You mean the guy who's name is Several Dozen People? I forgot about him…
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE says he hasn't finished BATTLING you!
But… but what about your comrades? Even as we speak, they are probably being beaten mercilessly by giant letters!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE doesn't CARE!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE wants to DESTROY your CULT before it even STARTS!
You… you monster! Why would you want to destroy the Webmastarian Spirit? Don't you see how much joy it brings?
SCREAMS of AGONY can be heard from the NEXT ROOM!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE says he WON'T REST until the WEBMASTARIAN SPIRIT is CRUSHED!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE sent out SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE!
It won't be that easy! Return, self. Webmastarian Spirit-- GO!
Return, WARREN!
Get'm, WEBMASTARIAN SPIRIT!
Now you'll see the true power of--
Enemy SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE used CRUSH!
WEBMASTARIAN SPIRIT was CRUSHED!
WEBMASTARIAN SPIRIT fainted!
...that seemed a tad too easy.
Enemy SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE prepares to DESTROY YOU once and for ALL!
...forgive me, Almighty Webmaster. I have failed in my quest…
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE suddenly EMERGE from the CAPS LOCK ROOM!
Enemy SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE is SHOCKED to hear them CAROLING!
Amazing! They sing though half of their comrades lie dead…
They sing without arms, legs, spleens… some even lack a head…
They don't even appear to be at-all well fed…
This reminds me of a Dr. Seuss book that I read…
Enemy SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE's HEART grew THREE SIZES!
How inspiring! He's getting into the Webmastarian Spirit!
SO did his FONT SIZE!
I-- it what??
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE: *sniff* I've never been so happy in all my life. I-- *URK*!

SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE suffered a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK!
With a heart that large, I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did…
Enemy SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE fainted!
Ohh, he only fainted from that. He'll be alright then.
Enemy SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE then proceeded to DIE!
...oh.
You defeated SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE!
You gained 8740 exp. Points!
You grew to level 45!
Yaaay!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE are crowding AROUND you!
SEVERAL DOZEN PEOPLE want to join your CULT!
Yes! I finally have followers! Several dozen of them, in fact.
What? WARREN is evolving!
Am I?
WARREN evolved into CULTMASTER!
Together, my followers, we shall lead our world back onto the path of the light! Onward, to the Almighty Webmaster Plushies!
BATTLE used END!
BATTLE ENDED quite ABRUPTLY!


Battle #94: Poké Battles Snap! January 24, 2001
Location: The Path to Nowhere
Player: Da Camera Man [No Record]
CrimsonKing's Rating: Doesn't Suck


CAMERAMAN appeared!
CAMERAMAN looked up at his NAME!
Da Camera Man? What possessed my parents to name me that?
NARRATOR is the only PARENT that you HAVE!
The NARRATOR??
NARRATOR is your LEGAL GUARDIAN!
NARRATOR will GUARD against any GOOD FORTUNE that you might have OTHERWISE have come ACROSS!
...you make a really sucky parent, you know that Narrator?
NARRATOR orders you to address it as DADDIO!
Over my dead, broken, and bleeding body.
THAT can be ARRANGED!
It couldn't be any worse than being parented by the Narrator…
NARRATOR orders you to go to your ROOM!
My room?? Listen, buddy…
DADDIO!
…..
Listen, Daddio-- is there any reason for me to be standing out here on the … ummm… 'Path to Nowhere'?
YOU were ORDERED HERE by your BOSS!
I have a boss??
YOU work for a MAJOR NEWS NETWORK!
I do? And what's the name of this major news network?
MAJOR NEWS NETWORK!
Ah. Funny, I don't remember anything about that.
Actually… I don't remember anything of my life earlier than 30 seconds ago.
NARRATOR used REVERSE AMNESIA!
MEMORIES appeared!
Ohhh riiiiight… I was sent on this stupid errand to try and get a picture of a Pokey Man… whatever that is.
POKéMON are POWERFUL TRAINABLE CREATURES that were RUMORED to EXIST during the OLD TIMES!
The Old Times?? That's ancient history… 20th century stuff. Why would MNN send me on such a wild goose chase??
Wild GOOSE appeared!
Could that be a Pokémon? Well then, I suppose I'll just catch it!
...on FILM!
Huh? Oh, right. I hate my job.
Camera, go!
CAMERA went!
...into a nearby SEWER GRATING!
What the…?
NARRATOR wonders why CAMERAMAN threw away his CAMERA!
I-- I dunno. For some reason I had this urge to tell the camera to go…
Well, I'll never get that Pokémon on film now…
GOOSE is still SITTING THERE!
IT IS?? CAMERA, GO!
CAMERA is already GONE!
ACK! Why do I keep saying that??
Hmm… maybe I should just capture this goose for further study.
...but how?
RED SPHERE-SHAPED OBJECT is on the GROUND!
Huh? What could this be….?
RED SPHERE-SHAPED OBJECT was renamed POKé BALL!
Could this be a relic from the Old World?
Guess there's only one way to find out….
GO! GEOCITIES!
...Geocities?
GEOCITIES awaits your COMMAND!
Huh? My command? Wait… could this be…?
CAMERAMAN received a MICROSOFT POKéDEX!
MS POKéDEX: Geocities. A server-type Pokémon. The evolved form of Geodude, though some would argue that this is in fact a devolution. Although Geocities is a very powerful Pokémon, it is so slow and unreliable that it pales in comparison to its devolved counterpart. Registered Trainer: James (Deceased)
...interesting. But perhaps I can use this Geocities thing to accomplish my true goal-- which is CAPTURING THAT POKéMON!
NARRATOR wonders if CAMERAMAN was paying any ATTENTION at ALL!
Quiet, Pops. I'm going to accomplish my goal no matter what. GEOCITIES, GO!
Go! GEOCITIES!
Hmm… now what can this Geocities thing do?
GEOCITIES cannot accept any COMMANDS unless you LOGIN with your USERNAME and PASSWORD!
Wha? I don't know the username and password for this thing…
In that case, GEOCITIES is loafing around!
GEOCITIES used CRASH!

GEOCITIES' attack missed!
GEOCITIES kept going and CRASHED!
I'm not going to say a thing.
...into GOOSE!
GOOSE was CRUSHED by the BLOW!
GOOSE died!
YESSSS! Now that the GOOSE has been defeated, I can capture and train it! Right?
GOOSE is unable to MOVE!
...why not?
BECAUSE GOOSE was KILLED in COLD BLOOD by your POKéMON!
But… I thought that's what I was supposed to do…
GOOSE was not a POKéMON!
GOOSE was just an ANIMAL!
And YOU are just a MORON!
*sniff*… but father, I--
NARRATOR says NO BUTS!
...now I'll never be able to capture a Pokémon… the guys at MNN are probably going to fire me for this….
NARRATOR is going to STRANGLE YOU!
What?? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM???
NARRATOR's PROBLEM is that it has an IMBECILE for a SON!
Well I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations! Just leave me alone and let me live my own life!!!
HUGE ARM emerges from the RSACi CLOUDS and STRANGLES YOU!
NARRATOR screams that GEOCITIES is a POKéMON!
YOU have ACCOMPLISHED your GOAL already!
I… I have?
NARRATOR says you COULD'VE figured that OUT long AGO!
Ohh… sorry Dad…
NARRATOR GLARES at you!
...dio.
NARRATOR beams with PRIDE!
Aaaah! Don't beam into my eyes like that!
NARRATOR apologizes!
Umm… could you please never do that Arm-from-the-clouds thing again? That was really creepy.
NARRATOR promises to NEVER do THAT again!
NARRATOR offers to SHAKE on it!
Okay…
HUGE ARM emerges from the RSACi CLOUDS!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!
CAMERAMAN ran away!


Battle #95: A Villain Emerges January 31, 2001
Location: The Isle of Yewsad
Player: Crazy Stan [No Record]
Matt Beswick's Rating: 5.5


Bluhahahaha! I shall soon take over the world!
NARRATOR says to HOLD IT right THERE!
BAH! What do you seek to do to such as I? I AM OF THE YEWSAD, and ENTIRELY UNDEFEATABLE!
NARRATOR has received ORDERS from IMMORTUS HIMSELF that NO STEREOTYPICAL VILLAINS will be allowed on his WORLD!
Stereotypical? HOW DARE HE! I shall exact my revenge on that fool for his insolence! Yes, the pieces of the puzzle are falling to place… soon, the world shall be mine!
NARRATOR points out that YOU are as STEREOTYPICAL as it GETS!
NARRATOR is going to ENSURE that YOU never escape from your ISLAND!
Haha! You are but a narrator! You have no power over one such as I! I AM OF THE YEWSAD, and this island belongs to me!
NARRATOR points out that you'll be STUCK ON YEWSAD for the rest of YOUR LIFE!
Ah, but that is plenty of time for--
NOT for YOU!
Well then… perhaps I shall devise a plan to escape this island, then! Bluhahahahah!
NARRATOR wants to know WHY you're LAUGHING at BLUE VERSION!
Because, FOOL! It hasn't been updated in eons! BLUHAHAHAHAHA!
NARRATOR suggest you laugh at MIDNIGHT VERSION instead!
Hmm…. MIDNIGHTHAHAHAHAHAHA… cretin! It hasn't the same ring to it!
NARRATOR says that you are going to REGRET calling it a CRETIN!
We shall see… but know this: I AM OF THE YEWSAD! BLUHAHAHAHAHA!
CRETIN appeared!
Oh? Has the Narrator assumed its true form to speak with me?
NARRATOR is FUMING!
Bluha…
CRETIN reminds you that HE is your SERVANT!
Ewww. That thing is my servant?
CRETIN shed a TEAR!
Blu…. ALRIGHT THEN, MORTAL. For you I have a task! You must build for me a ship that can carry us out of here. The job must be completed quickly, but it cannot be rushed. We cannot have a boat built that will sink, after all!
NARRATOR points out that the boat will SINK no matter WHAT you DO!
Silence, disembodied booming voice! I am speaking to my… ahhh… cretin, here.
CRETIN says it can have the JOB DONE in 72 HOURS!
NO! FOOL! Did you not hear a word of what I said? You cannot rush the job!
CRETIN apologizes PROFUSELY!
CRETIN says he can have a STURDY BOAT ready in a COUPLE WEEKS!
WHAT?? I said I needed to get off the island QUICKLY.. QUICKLY, you foolish mortal!
CRETIN wants to know how SOON you need the SHIP!
As quickly as possible!!
CRETIN assures you that it will FINISH THE JOB in 72 HOURS!
NO!! THEN YOU WOULD BE RUSHING! WORTHLESS FOOL!
CRETIN is confused!
CRETIN doesn't understand what you WANT!
Useless cretin! I shall destroy you!
CRETIN wants to fight!
Do you, now! I shall send out my trusty servant. CRETIN, get him!
Get'm, CRETIN!
CRETIN sent out CRETIN!
Bluhahaha! You are fighting yourself, now!
Enemy CRETIN is FURIOUS!
Enemy CRETIN used SUPERSLASH!
……
It's super effective!
Critical hit!
CRETIN fainted! Use next Pokémon?
Polka Lawn? What is that…? BAH… it matters not. If my cretin fainted, then the battle is over anyhow!
CRAZYSTAN has a POINT!
CRAZYSTAN wins!
Bluhaha!
You gained ¥166
You received item SHIPBUILDING MATERIALS!
It is so hard to find decent help on Yewsad… very well then! I shall build the ship myself!
NARRATOR sits back in the RSACi clouds to WATCH in AMUSEMENT!
Very well…. I believe that I should start by building the ship's bottom part thingy…
NARRATOR is LAUGHING MANIACALLY!
Silence, PEASANT! I shall succeed where the cretin failed! Leave me!
NARRATOR does so GLADLY!
Excellent…. Now I shall get to work.
THREE DAYS used PASS!
THREE DAYS passed!
Aha! The ship is now complete!
NARRATOR takes a LOOK!
NARRATOR FACEFAULTS!
...I have never seen the entire sky facefault before.
NARRATOR wants to know how you built a CRUISE LINER in THREE DAYS!
It matters not! I shall sail from this accursed island and begin my reign of terror… I AM OF THE YEWSAD! Fear me, MORTALS OF THE WORLD!
NARRATOR warns you NOT TO GO OUT TO SEA!
You cannot stop me! The weather is perfect for such a voyage!
STORM appeared!
...curses.
NARRATOR laughs MANIACALLY!
It matters not! My ship, the Titanic III, is UNSINKABLE!
SEVERAL ICEBERGS appeared!
Evil Voice! I cannot be thwarted! I AM OF THE YEWSAD… AND I SET SAIL TODAY! BLUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

>> Next Five Battles

Visit our friends at The Pokemon Tower: A Pokemon Fanfiction Website!
The Pokemon Tower: A Pokemon Fanfiction Website



The Archives
Red: Classic Archives
Blue: Fan Battle Archives
Green: Tournament Archives
Yellow: Forum Archives
Gold: Network Archives
Silver: PokeBattles: Advanced


PokeBattles.com

PokéBattles Site Map
Diamond: Official Battles · Pearl: Fan Battles · Platinum: Forums

Red: Classic Archives · Blue: Fan Battle Archives · Yellow: Forum Archives · Silver: PBA Archives