Red: Classic Archives Red Version #111-115 : The Dusk Before Main Menu
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| Red Version #111-115 : The Dusk Before |
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Description missing... Battle #111: Final Showdown May 31, 2001 Location: Webmastarian HQ Player: Warren the Cult Leader [Record: 2-0-0] WARREN appeared! ...wooah. The world faded back into existence again. BUTCH appeared! Oh right… we were going to fight each other, weren't we? BUTCH dimly RECALLS having that INTENTION a couple WEEKS ago! Well… what were we fighting about? BUTCH says URRH! BUTCH can't REMEMBER! NARRATOR notes that the CAUSE of the FIGHT might have been WARREN throwing BOB into the DUNGEON OF NARRATION TORTURE! Ohh yeah… did you even bother to release him before waiting two weeks for our battle to start? BUTCH: Uhmm…. Location: Webmastarian HQ; Dungeon Player: Bob "That Guy" Smith [Record: 5-9-0] YET ANOTHER SWORD was PLUNGED into the UPSIDE-DOWN-HANGING BOB! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE LET ME DIE!!! Location: Webmastarian HQ Player: Warren the Cult Leader [Record: 2-0-0] BUTCH says that HE will take care of THAT after the BATTLE! If he's still alive. BUTCH says YOU should be ASHAMED that an ORGANIZATION dedicated to GOOD has RESORTED to such HORRIFIC ACTS! Need I remind you that you were a part of the massive beatdown committed against Bob just a few weeks ago? BUTCH says BOB DESERVED it back THEN! Well, <i>you're</i> the one standing between me and the dungeon… I'd have released him long ago. BUTCH used RETORT! But, it failed! BUTCH became FLUSTERED! Maybe you should say 'urrh' or someth-- what the-? WARREN senses a STRANGE POWER! Wha..? WARREN vanished! BUTCH: Urrh? BUTCH vanished! Meanwhile, in Yellow Version… WARREN reappeared! BUTCH reappeared! BOB reappeared in the DUNGEON! SCREAMS of AGONY resume! Wow… you know, it had been so long since I <i>haven't</i> heard those screams in the background that it didn't even sound right when they weren't there. BUTCH says you will PAY for your URRHIFIED DEEDS! Urrhified…? Oooookay… don't you think it would be a better idea to discuss the shocking news revealed to us in Yellow Version? BUTCH says THAT is a SECOND PRIORITY! *sigh* … BUTCH wants to fight! And I want a pony. But you don't see me complaining. PONY appeared! … WOOHOO! NARRATOR accidentally caused HAPPINESS! Thank you, Narrator! I LOVE YOU, NARRATOR! What? PONY is evolving! What? Could it be? Could it be evolving into an actual Pokémon? Dare I wish it? Could this be… Ponyta? PONY evolved into DEATH! ...wha? DEATH: Well, that made no sense. I could've sworn Death was dead… DEATH VANISHED as IF it had just BEEN your IMAGINATION! Huh… he vanished. I guess it was just my imagination. ...YOU are not the NARRATOR here! Oh well. I suppose I'm not the narrator here. Do you WANT to lose this BATTLE? Aaah! No, I don't want to lose this battle! THAT does IT! YOU are going to LOSE! Huh? Whoops, that last one was an accident… WARREN used ACCIDENT! WARREN ACCIDENTALLY sent himself OUT... ...that could have been worse. ...the WINDOW! GAH! BUTCH is watching you FALL triumphantly! Okay, think Warren think-- Not enough PP for THINK! Shut up! Now, what is the emergency procedure for falling out of a building… was it stop, drop, and roll? Hmm.. I've got the 'drop' part going pretty well, but how do I stop? WARREN stopped FALLING! YES!! …I wonder how I did that. WARREN did THAT by HITTING the GROUND! OW! NARRATOR has never SEEN anyone's LEGS snap so FAST before! ...and NARRATOR has seen a LOT of broken LEGS, TOO! I've stopped and dropped… better roll! WARREN used ROLL! WARREN ROLLED into someone's HOUSE! PEOPLE are STARING at you STRANGELY! Whaaaat? Haven't you ever seen a bleeding man with two broken legs roll into your house before? PEOPLE say YOU have a GOOD POINT! I do? Well then… can you point me to a hospital? PEOPLE point to HOSPITAL! Uh.. Which direction are they pointing? PEOPLE are POINTING at the HOSPITAL! I know that!! Could you be more specific, Narrator?? HOSPITAL is very BIG! …I'm going to die, aren't I? EITHER THAT or you will PERMANENTLY FAINT! Wait! I know! Me, use your WALK TO HOSPITAL attack! WARREN used WALK TO HOSPITAL! Woohoo! I am smarrrrrrggggghhh!!! LEGS used SNAP! WALK TO HOSPITAL failed! The pain… my vision is fading… SO is your TEXT COLOR! Must think! Not enough PP for THINK! Arrrghh.. Since when did I run out of PP for THINK? I don't remember ever using THINK before… YOU are unable to even THINK about it! Good point, I guess. I know! I'll use ROLL again! WARREN used ROLL! WARREN ROLLED into the WALL! GAH! Make that 'ROLL TO HOSPITAL' WARREN used ROLL TO HOSPITAL! WARREN ROLLED into the HOSPITAL! WOOHOO! CHESTER from EVIL INCORPORATED appeared! NOO!! Not now!! CHESTER wants to know what you're DOING HERE! Need… medical… attention… CHESTER can SEE that from your fading TEXT COLOR! Please… have… mercy… CHESTER will have MERCY if you TELL him where WEBMASTARIAN HQ is! It's… down the street… look for… building with shattered window… But beware of… Butch Urrh… you must kill him… And Bob "That Guy" Smith… he too you must kill… CHESTER thanks YOU! CHESTER will be MERCIFUL and PUT you out of your MISERY! Wh--wha? CHESTER used KICK! You blacked OUT! Owww…. CHESTER wins! CHESTER: Ha ha! But I must not celebrate prematurely… We have won the battle… but not the war… WE don't do WARS here! WE only do BATTLES! CHESTER: Curses... Location: Red Canyon Player: John Movius [Record: 2-0-0] Hear me! For I am The Movius. Nothing can defeat me. NARRATOR HEARD you the LAST TIME! Far be it from me to impose such restrictions on mine own person; such that it would not be outside the realm of reasonable thought that I shall ignore thy ill-conceived request. THAT DOES IT! Pardon, O he who speaks in text of an exclusively primary color? SOMETHING needs to be DONE about your LANGUAGE! I so hope that no verbiage of mine own hath offended thine ear; if such an act I have unwillingly committed, I humbly apologize that the offense hath taken place. NARRATOR is IMPOSING a TRANSLATION of your FLOWERY SPEECH! <Huh? What do you--? Woah, hey… I sound like such a simpleton now.> NARRATOR STILL can't UNDERSTAND the MEANING of the word SIMPLETON but it is STILL a big IMPROVEMENT! <Speaking of simpletons…> SPEAKING of SIMPLETONS, HACK KOR appeared! <Hey now, who might this be?> HACK KOR is a JAMAICAN HACKER of ASKJEEVES.COM who is COVERED with SOGGY LIFE CEREAL and MILK from the ATLANTIC MILK OCEAN! <Yech… didn't that ocean expire a long time ago?> ATLANTIC MILK OCEAN was renamed COTTAGE CHEESE OCEAN! <Well… is there any way The Movius can be of assistance, Mr. Kor?> HACK KOR: w00t! <woot? I don't understand.> HACK KOR: I be saying w00t, my good Movius man. <Movius Man… I like the sound of that. I think we'll get along just fi--> HACK KOR wants to fight! <*sigh* … all I ever wanted was a friend…> Enemy HACK KOR sent out 1337 KNIGHTS! Such numbers tell much of the preposterous nature of the situation, thus leading me to the conclusion that such perplexing actions could never become fully understood by my mind; in short, that such an event could occur defies all I hath learned of logic and principles of life. TRANSLATION…? <WTF?> 1337 KNIGHTS: We are the 1337 Knights… who say 'n33'! <Ohh, I see now… by '1337', you don't mean the number… you must be speaking of that 'leet' thing that hacker people use.> THAT is CORRECT! <Whew. That's a relief.> ...HOWEVER, by an ASTONISHING COINCIDENCE, there ARE in FACT ONE THOUSAND, THREE HUNDRED, and THIRTY-SEVEN 1337 KNIGHTS! <Eep.> <Well… this will be a challenge, to say the very least.> Enemy 1337 KNIGHTS are RIDING LARGE HORSES and FLYING COLORFUL BANNER ADS! <Aren't you guys afraid of people trying to click those?> 1337 KNIGHTS: You know… it's actually never come up. <Well… I swore I'd never unleash such evil on the world again, but it looks like I'll have to turn to the Large Steel Cage of Holding once more for help.> <Go, Midgyo!> Go! MIDGYOTO! <May the power of The Movius go with you, Impish One.> Enemy 1337 KNIGHTS used MEDIEVAL SKILLZ! <Medieval Skillz? Looks like they're just playing Basketball to me.> 1337 KNIGHTS are PLAYING like the LAKERS! <...woah.> It's super intimidating! Hear me! For I am The Movius! I cannot be intimidated! NEITHER can MIDGYOTO! <Interesting… something good is happening to me. I imagine the Narrator dislikes this Hack Kor fellow as much as I do.> MIDGYOTO: hehe, lol <ARRGGHH.. My ears, they burn!> Enemy 1337 KNIGHTS are SIMILARLY PAINED! Enemy 1337 KNIGHTS are saying 'n33' FRANTICALLY and in a PANIC! Enemy 1337 KNIGHTS' RANKS are BREAKING! <There's our opening, Midgyo! Push your advantage! Use your… wait, do you even <i>have</i> any attacks?> MIDGYOTO: son of an onion! <Oh, right. Use your son of an onion attack!> MIDGYOTO used SON OF AN ONION! NARRATOR can't THINK of ANY GOOD PUNS to USE for THAT! <Oh, come on! Have the sun throw onions into them!> THAT is not GOOD ENOUGH! <Well, what <i>did</i> the attack do?> ATTACK fizzled OUT! ...and SO did the 1337 KNIGHTS! <That is… strange…> Enemy 1337 KNIGHTS fainted! Forthwith, gentle Midgyo! Victory draws near! NARRATOR kicks the TRANSLATOR! <WTG, Midgyo!> Enemy HACK KOR sent out HACK KOR! <Honor dictates that I must withdraw Midgyo… I shall fight you myself, Hack Kor!> Return, MIDGYOTO! Get'm, MOVIUS! <You may begin, noble opponent.> Enemy HACK KOR used MAD SKILLZ! <Now it looks like <i>he's</i> playing basketball…> Enemy HACK KOR is PLAYING like a HACKER who has never TOUCHED a BASKETBALL before! <...and he's sucking at it.> Enemy HACK KOR was INSULTED! Enemy HACK KOR threw the BASKETBALL at you! BASKETBALL flew ONE FOOT before DROPPING PATHETICALLY to the GROUND! <Weak.> Enemy HACK KOR is FURIOUS! Enemy HACK KOR used KOR MELTDOWN! <What in the…?> HACK KOR: w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! <Oh man, I think he's broken.> MOVIUS was hit by w00t! <What?? WHAT is a w00t??> NARRATOR will ANSWER that QUESTION by SAYING how much HP you LOST! <...you don't know either, do you?> No clue. <Fine then… I'll have to use… the Flower of Death!> Enemy HACK KOR used GASP! <Ha! Shocked, are you?> No, enemy HACK KOR can't BREATHE! Enemy HACK KOR is GASPING for AIR! To one such as I, that event brings great joy, such that mine implements of vision arc in an upwards pattern reminiscent of a character of Japanese animation who also shares a similar joy. NARRATOR hits the TRANSLATER over the HEAD with a large MALLET! < ^_^ > Enemy HACK KOR collapsed to the GROUND suffocating! <Eh, he'll be alright. I'll just toss him into the Large Steel Cage of Holding.> MOVIUS TOSS! You caught HACK KOR! <*sigh*… my lineup of human slaves-- er… Pokémon… is weak. Am I doomed to collect the most annoying Pokémon on the planet?> RAPPA JOE T. appeared! RAPPA JOE T.: Word up, yo! Sup! I be messin' with y'all! I'm chillin, yo! <CENSORED> Location: Webmastarian HQ Player: Bob "That Guy" Smith [Record: 5-9-0] So, Butch - what do you th-- BUTCH isn't THERE! Argh… where'd he run off to this time? SOUNDS of a FOREST SPIRIT being DECAPITATED are coming from the NEXT ROOM! Not again! BUTCH!! BUTCH wants to know what your PROBLEM is! We have got to do something about your Princess Mononoke addiction. It's becoming unhealthy… BUTCH says that HE has never been HEALTHY anyway! You know what I mean! How many times have you watched that movie since we got here? NARRATOR has observed BUTCH watching it TWICE while BOB was trapped in the DUNGEON! …and I know you watched it twice right after we landed in the time machine… so… BUTCH has watched PRINCESS MONONOKE five TIMES! Er… four. … FIVE! What, are you saying you don't know what 2+2 is? … SWARMS OF INVADERS FROM EVIL INCORPORATED appeared OUTSIDE! Ooh.. Nice diversion, Narrator. But what's Evil Incorporated doing here?? ...and since when did they have 'swarms of invaders' to command? SWARMS OF INVADERS was renamed CHESTER! That's what I thought. CHESTER: Curses! I knew that shopping at <i>Narrator's Costume Shop</i> was a bad idea. Hey! NARRATOR gave CHESTER a 50% DISCOUNT! Yeah, for a costume that DISAPPEARS at the NARRATOR'S WHIMSY! ANYTHING can DISAPPEAR at the NARRATOR'S WHIMSY! CHESTER: That's no excuse for-- CHESTER disappeared! Well, that was an easy battle. BOB disappeared! ...knew there had to be a catch. SINCE both BOB and CHESTER have DISAPPEARED, they can THEREFORE do BATTLE on a PLANE OF NON-EXISTENCE! Huh? How can we do ANYTHING if we don't exist? YOU don't really EXIST to BEGIN WITH! ...that hurts. BOB was HURT! NO! BOB now has CONSIDERABLY LOWER HP! It's a wonder that I still have any HP at all after two years of this… BOB has a POINT! No I don't! ...of a SWORD! Whew… ...STABBING through his SPLEEN! AAAAAAAH!! NARRATOR got so USED to subjecting BOB to TORTURE, that IT became SOMETHING of a HABIT! *gasp* .. You need to break that habit… NARRATOR used BREAK! HABIT was BROKEN! That's a relief… And SO was BOB'S ARM! GRAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! KILL ME! KILL ME AND LET IT END FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED AND HOLY! NARRATOR thinks it's FUN to watch someone's LIMB SNAP along with their SANITY! THIS ISN'T INSANITY IT'S A DESIRE TO EXIST WITHOUT CONSTANT PAIN! YOU don't EXIST! SHUT UP! CAPS QUOTA exceeded for this BATTLE! graaaaaaaggghh-- … eh, it lacks drama without caps… BOB lacks DRAMA! DRAMA is required for MAINTAINING HIGH HP COUNT! you <i>are</i> making this up as you go along! SHUT UP, LOWERCASE-BOY! BOB lost MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF HP! big flippin' deal… hp doesn't ever seem to do anything anyhow. HP was renamed BLOOD! this sucks.. do I even <i>get</i> to battle today? BOB gets to BATTLE! finally. BOB also gets to BURNING! huh? BOB is on FIRE! how can that be? I don't even exist! NEITHER does the FIRE! i'll just ignore it then… hey, what's chester doing? CHESTER is just SITTING there! what are you here for, anyhow? CHESTER says he's HERE to take over WEBMASTARIAN HQ! here in the plane of nonexistence? CHESTER CURSES! i wonder how we get back home… ELM: You've had the power to go home this entire time! what's elm doing here?? ELM: All you have to do is click your heels together three times and say "There's no place like home… there's no place like home… there's no place like home…" i am <i>not</i> clicking my heels together. ELM: Awww… come on, be a sport. I brought video crews and everything. forget it - i've been made into enough of a freak as it is. BETTER to be a LIVE FREAK than a NON-EXISTANT NORMAL PERSON! ...it is? NO, but if you DON'T do what ELM SAYS, YOU will have to UNDERGO more TORTURE! aaaah! i'm clicking, i'm clicking! BOB used DOUBLECLICK! ...it didn't work. YOU still need ONE MORE CLICK! oh, right.. BOB used CLICK! BOB returned to REALITY! CHESTER returned to REALITY! hey, what are you still doing here? CHESTER goes where YOU go! CHESTER is going to TAKE OVER the WEBMASTARIANS and FEED you to JOHN MOVIUS! john movius? that wild trainer from red canyon who attacked butch and me with a flower of death? CHESTER observes that YOU have been doing some RESEARCH! yeah, well… you can't be serious about leaving me with john movius… I heard he killed his own mother for 5 experience points! CHESTER says THAT is the WHOLE POINT! what, the experience points? NO! About YOU being KILLED! if you were going to kill me, you'd have done it by now. CHESTER points out that the NARRATOR has done a FINE JOB of DELAYING any BATTLING between the PLAYERS! ...just shut up, chester. CHESTER still wants to KILL YOU! if you don't shut up, i'll kick you into next battle! CHESTER would like to see you TRY! fine… i'm going to enjoy this. BOB used PUNT! CHESTER was PUNTED into the 25th LINE of BATTLE #114! Awww… i was aiming for the 40th line. oh well… Location: Red Canyon Player: John Movius [Record: 3-0-0] Wanton it unto me, such encumbrances of life's encapsulation be it not to shine upon the highways of our temperament. NARRATOR re-enables the TRANSLATER! <Error: Phrase made no sense, grammatically> THAT's what NARRATOR thought! MOVIUS' CONDITION is WORSENING! <Your condition would be worsening too if you were treated as the jailer for all the annoying characters in the universe…> SOUNDS come from LARGE STEEL CAGE OF HOLDING! MIDGYOTO: hehe, lol HACK KOR: w00t! RAPPA JOE T.: Word up! <SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!> NARRATOR sees your POINT! <Good.> Of a SWORD! Stabbing through your SPLEEN! <I used my spleen as emergency food rations weeks ago.> CURSES! <Besides, that joke sucked the first time.> <You got what, .75 BQ for that piddling effort?> NARRATOR was UP all last NIGHT CRYING because of that BQ! <Aww… I'd feel sorry for you if you weren't a cruel disembodied voice that exists only to torture people like me.> CHESTER appeared! <WTF are you?> CHESTER wants to know what that ACRONYM stands for! <Umm… I used no acronym. Ask the translator.> TRANSLATOR says it STANDS for CLICK THE BANNER AD! <Three guesses who the translator's paycheck is coming from…> CHESTER suddenly WONDERS who you ARE! <Answer my question first.> NARRATOR wants to KNOW how MOVIUS can know ENOUGH about LAST WEEK'S BATTLE to RECOGNIZE a RECYCLED JOKE, yet DOESN'T KNOW who CHESTER is! <Why are you pointing out your own plot holes, Narrator?> NARRATOR looks around NERVOUSLY! <Besides, I was asking <i>what</i> he is, not <i>who</i> he is--it's a question I've never seen answered on Pokebattles.com> CHESTER interprets THAT as an INDIRECT INSULT! Ah, but such things are trivial at best--I offer thee my friendship, gentle sir. It beest the truth when I admit that I've yet to have a friendly encounter in this cruel world. CHESTER: ...what did he say? NARRATOR REBOOTS the TRANSLATOR! <I want to fight you.> CHESTER: You don't know who you're messing with, buddy. CHESTER wants to fight! <Huh? But what for? All I wanted was a fr--> IT is TOO LATE to DISCUSS such MUNDANE DETAILS! <Grrr… in that case, prepare to face the wrath of John Movius!> CHESTER begins to SWEAT NERVOUSLY! CHESTER: Y-- You're… John Movius? <The one and only.> CHESTER: *gulp* … I don't wanna die… <Things don't die here. They get thrown in my Large Steel Cage of Holding with the rest of the annoying minions of the universe.> CHESTER: But… I- I heard that you killed your mother for 5 exp. Points… <That's a vicious rumor. She was worth a solid 10.> CHESTER: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! <Get'm, Hack Kor!> Go! HACK KOR! CHESTER sent out CRETIN! <Hack Kor, use your 1337 Skillz!> HACK KOR doesn't know that MOVE! <What? Hack, you told me you had 1337 Skillz!> KACK KOR: w00t? Did I tell you I had 1337 Skillz? I meant I had 1337 skullz, my good Movius man. These things r0xx0rz. <That's disgusting… okay then, use your 1337 Skullz.> HACK KOR used 1337 SKULLZ! Enemy CRETIN was PELTED by 1337 SKULLZ! Enemy CRETIN finds them a good FOOD SOURCE! Enemy CRETIN's HP was RESTORED! <Wow, now I can cross 'watch a cretin eat 1337 skullz' off my life's <i>todo</i> list.> Enemy CRETIN used SUPERSLASH! HACK KOR avoided the BLOW! <Hey, nice job Hac--> ...by FAINTING! <Maybe I'm expecting too much from him… let's see what Rappa Joe T. has to offer.> The enemy's ugly and therefore must die! Get'm, RAPPA JOE T.! Enemy CRETIN used SUPERSLASH! RAPPA JOE T.'s BOOMBOX was SLASHED! RAPPA JOE T.'s ANGER greatly ROSE! <Make him pay for that, Rappa!> RAPPA JOE T. used PAYDAY! <Eh?> RAPPA JOE T. forced CRETIN to PAY ¥300,000,000,000 to REPLACE his BOOMBOX! <...should have made him pay in blood.> Enemy CRETIN used TEAR SHED! The LIQUID of the TEAR ruined RAPPA JOE T.'s new BOOMBOX! RAPPA JOE T.'s ANGER greatly ROSE! <There! See now?? Make him pay in blood!> RAPPA JOE T. used BLOODY PAYDAY! CRETIN extracts ¥300,000,000,000 worth of BLOOD from RAPPA JOE T.'s BODY and PAYS him with IT! <Oops.> RAPPA JOE T. fainted! <Things are not going my way today… okay, it's up to you Midgyo.> Do it! MIDGYOTO! Enemy CRETIN used SUPERSLASH! MIDGYOTO's ONION was SLASHED! SMELL brings TEARS to MIDGYOTO's EYES! MIDGYOTO's ACCURACY greatly fell! <Argh… throw the onion at the cretin!> MIDGYOTO used ONION THROW! ONION was THROWN in the WRONG DIRECTION! YOU were STRUCK in the FACE by SLASHED ONION! <Arrrrghhh… my eyes! The goggles do nothing!> ...you were wearing GOGGLES? <Uh… no, it just felt like the right thing to say for some reason.> Enemy CRETIN used SUPERSLASH! <I am growing weary of that move.> MIDGYOTO was SLASHED and MORTALLY WOUNDED! MIDGYOTO fainted! <What, no lame pun that causes the attack to backfire on Cretin, causing him to faint?> ...NO! <Curses… I don't think I'm going to win this battle.> CHESTER offers you a DEAL! <A deal?> CHESTER says if you HELP him to INVADE WEBMASTARIAN HEADQUARTERS, then HE will ALLOW you to LIVE! <You mean… I can join you?> CHESTER: Well… yes. <I… I can actually have… a <i>traveling companion</i>? Perhaps someday… dare I hope? A <i>friend</i>?> CHESTER: Er… I suppose… Such feelings of happiness I hath never felt; I owe thee my eternal gratitude, noble Chester, who hath released me from mine isolation and exile. Eternal thanks, kind sir! CHESTER: Geez… and I thought I was issuing an ultimatum… I must really suck at this <i>evil</i> thing... June 24, 2001 Location: Webmastarian HQ Player: Bob "That Guy" Smith [Record: 6-9-0] Woohoo! I rule! BUTCH wants to know what you're so THRILLED about! Oh, just my little job of protecting Webmastarian Headquarters from Evil Incorporated. BUTCH says YOU should look out the WINDOW! Eh? SWARMS of INVADERS from EVIL INCORPORATED are HEADING this WAY! SWARMS?? YES! TWO OF THEM! Two SWARMS or two PEOPLE? TWO SWARMS of PEOPLE totaling TWO! Narrator math is screwy… so, two people then. I think we can handle that. CHESTER FROM EVIL INCORPORATED appeared! Hehe… so who's your friend, Chester? JOHN MOVIUS appeared! ...uh oh. CHESTER says that YOU will have to BATTLE the MOVIUS if YOU don't SURRENDER! *shrug* … well, that's that, eh Butch? BUTCH wants to know what you're TALKING about! Well… frankly, I don't want to be eaten by Movius… MOVIUS: <I knew that 'let's draw straws to see who gets eaten' incident would come back to haunt me…> *gulp* So uhmm… I suggest we abandon the Webmastarians. BUTCH wants to know HOW you can be BRAGGING about your LOYALTY and BRAVERY of PROTECTING the WEBMASTARIANS one MINUTE and then be so QUICK to RUN AWAY the NEXT! Hey, I really couldn't care less about the Webmastarians, alright? They're New Worlders no matter who they claim to worship--we're Old Worlders and have to look after ourselves, right? BUTCH says THAT is HIGHLY URRHIFIED LOGIC! So you're with me, then? BUTCH: Of course. Alright then… RUN AWAY! BOB used RUN! BOB ran away! BUTCH used RUN! BUTCH ran into MOVIUS! BUTCH: AAAAAAAAAAAAH! BUTCH used RUN! BUTCH ran for PRESIDENT! PRESIDENT BUTCH: WHAT THE URRH--? PRESIDENT BUTCH used RUN! PRESIDENT BUTCH ran away! Player: Chester [Record: 3-2-1] Wow, that was easy… MOVIUS: <Can I kill things now?> I believe the Webmastarians will put up some resistance soon enough--but without any leadership they will surely fall. DISORGANIZED WEBMASTARIANS appeared! Ah, there. You may start killing now. MOVIUS: <Killing? I didn't say anything about that… I think something was mistranslated again…> If you don't kill them, I refuse to be your friend. MOVIUS: <It appears I have no choice. Very well then, I'll do it because I'm your... *sniffle*... friend.> MOVIUS: MOVIUS WING! MOVIUS used MOVIUS WING! DISORGANIZED WEBMASTARIANS were ALL CUT IN HALF! This is so easy, it's almost painful to watch… It probably SHOULD be PAINFUL to WATCH people being CUT IN HALF en MASSE! Probably… MOVIUS: <Was that it?> I guess so… WOOHOO! The Webmastarians are dead! Long live Evil Incorporated! Location: Evil Incorporated HQ Ha ha! I'm King of the World! I-- MYSTERIOUS VOICE FROM RIGHT BEHIND YOU: Not quite yet, my friend… Wha? Who… MYSTERIOUS VOICE FROM RIGHT BEHIND YOU was renamed WARREN THE CULT LEADER! Player: Warren the Cult Leader [Record: 2-1-0] It's been a long time, Chester… CHESTER points out that IT has been less than a MONTH! Silence! Time means nothing to scum such as yourself. CHESTER says CRETIN can't HELP being SCUM! CRETIN: Hey! Imbecile. I was speaking to you. You are scum, Chester. CHESTER interprets THAT as an INDIRECT INSULT! Oh no, that was quite direct. CHESTER wants to know what you're going to DO about it! Idiot. I was the one who insulted <i>you</i>. You're the one who is supposed to 'do something' about it. CHESTER says MOVIUS wants to fight! Eh? MOVIUS wants to fight! Oh, so you're Chester's lackey? MOVIUS: <I am his friend, you insensitive cur.> Desensitize this, wise guy! ...enemy MOVIUS is a WISE GUY? Enemy MOVIUS' WISDOM greatly rose! Ergh…. Gooooooo, GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY! CHESTER gasps! CHESTER: You tamed the GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY? They said it couldn't be done… GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY: RAAAAARRRR…. Eh, I stole a badge from some kid and ever since have been able to control the GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY. Enemy MOVIUS sent out HACK KOR! Enemy MOVIUS: <I bet a hacker can easily overcome a simple caps lock key.> Hmm… GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY, use X Attack! GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY used TYPE! GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY created LETTER TYPE X! GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY threw a GIANT LETTER X at HACK KOR like a SHURIKAN! Die! HACK KOR was IMPALED by the LETTER X! Hack Kor: w0000000000000000000000000000t….. I think he's bleeding zeroes… Enemy HACK KOR used 1337 SKULLZ! 1337 SKULLZ were converted to !##& SKULLZ by the GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY! ATTACK had no EFFECT! Your pitiful skills are useless! HACK KOR: Skullz, you mean. Whatever. GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY, use C ATTACK! GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY threw a GIANT LETTER C at HACK KOR like a BOOMERANG! HACK KOR was BLUDGEONED! HACK KOR fainted! Your illegal bred-to-fight human slaves are useless against me. CHESTER: ...we prefer to call them Pokémon. Uh huh. Whatever floats your boat. Of course, when I say boat, I'm thinking <i>Amistad</i>… CHESTER has NO IDEA what you're TALKING about! Neither do the readers, but you don't hear them complaining… CHESTER says THEY will be COMPLAINING on the FEEDBACK BOARD in DUE TIME! Fine, fine… the <i>Amistad</i> was a slave ship, alright? There was a movie by the same name recently, blah blah blah… you can go back and laugh at the preceding joke now. Not enough PP left for HUMOR! FINE. I just can't win, can I? If you LOOKED at the BATTLE TITLE before, you would ALREADY have KNOWN THAT! Huh? *looks* ...uh oh. CHESTER wants to fight! CHESTER sent out CRETIN! MOVIUS sent out MIDGYOTO! GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY… use O ATTACK! GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY threw a GIANT LETTER O at CRETIN and MIDGYOTO like a BOWLING BALL! BOWLING BALL sailed HARMLESSLY BETWEEN THEM! Curses… so hard to pick up those splits. Enemy MIDGYOTO used SON OF AN ONION! ONION was WEDGED underneath GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY! GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY can NO LONGER create LETTERS! ARGH! Return, GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY! GIANT CAPS LOCK KEY, come back! Go, Webmastarian Honor Guard! Go! WEBMASTARIAN HONOR GUARD! CHESTER: Who has the human slaves now? Quiet, you! These are volunteers! WEBMASTARIAN HONOR GUARD: ...we are? Yes, well… I may have volunteered on your behalf. In any case, use your FAITH to strike down our enemies! WEBMASTARIAN HONOR GUARD: …how do we do that? Sit here and pray?? This isn't looking good… WEBMASTARIAN HONOR GUARD walked AWAY in DISGUST! Oh no you don't. Return, Webmastarian Honor Guard! WEBMASTARIAN HONOR GUARD: Nooooooooooo…. WEBMASTARIAN HONOR GUARD was SUCKED back INTO its POKé BALL! Alright, alright… I surrender… MOVIUS: <Aww… I wanted more Exp.…> CHESTER: You can still get your Exp. … Warren, hold perfectly still. Perfectly still? But why would I--? MOVIUS: MOVIUS SMASH! MOVIUS used SMASH! WARREN was SPLATTERED across the ROOM! WARREN fainted! MOVIUS: <Fun.> >> Yet Another Poké Battles Fanfic takes place after Battle #115 |
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